by Chase | Discipleship, Ministry
Almost everyone has a perspective on what it takes to be a solid parent to teenagers.
Every parent knows that there is no harder job than being a parent. Unfortunately there are many parents who fail to parent for the long-term and often compromise in areas that will hurt the health and maturity of their teenagers.
I have two preschool children of my own. While I know it is easier to make outside observations than to be the parent in a specific situation, over the last decade of my ministry I have noticed a few mistakes most parents fall into.
Many of these mistakes come from countless conversations I have had with parents sharing their own struggles with parenting teenagers.
Here are seven mistakes I have seen parents make while parenting their teenage children.
7 Mistakes Most Parents Make With Their Teenagers
- Establishing rules but fail to develop critical thinking skills.
Every child needs boundaries. Iâm a firm believer in rules, guidelines, and boundaries for children. As we all know, however, it is easier to teach rules than the understanding of what is right and what is wrong. When children are little, this is helpful. But when the stakes are higher, kids need to know how to make good choices. When your teenager leaves the house, they will be faced with making a ton of decisions — what job they should take, what type of loan they should apply for, and who to marry, to name a few. As your teenagers mature, they need to make some decisions on their own using your guidance, coaching, and encouragement.
- Allowing dating with little boundaries and no knowledge of the other person.
The majority of my counseling conversations with parents and students centers on dating, sexual sins, and sexual identity. Many parents are strict about which friends their children can hang out with but lenient on which people they can date. Parents need to establish dating boundaries. Parents need to meet and interact with their teenagerâs boyfriend/girlfriend. The goal isnât to control your child. The goal is to encourage purity and know who your child is hanging out with.
[READ: 11 Truths No One Tells You About Dating In High School]
- Giving the âwhatâ without explaining the âwhy.â
Most of us are great at telling our kids what they need to do. Clean their rooms. Be home before curfew. Do their homework. The list is endless. As our kids mature they need to start understanding the âwhyâ behind the âwhat.â Why is it a good idea to do their homework? Why is it important that they finish out the year instead of quitting their team midway through the season? Knowing the âwhyâ helps them to make better decisions in the future.
- Focusing on raising good teenagers instead of Godly teenagers.
The goal of parenting isnât to raise good adults. It is to raise disciples who love Jesus. It is extremely common for parents to allow themselves to be content with kids whose grades are good, who seem to make moral decisions for the most part, and who donât cause a lot of trouble. Parenting becomes a completely different task when the spiritual component is added, but it is of great value to parent in that way.
- Failing to own up to their own mistakes.
You are not a superhero. You are not God. No one expects you to be a perfect parent. Trust me, your teenagers see many of your mistakes. Failing to own up to your mistakes only teaches your teenagers that you are untrustworthy, and it shows them how they need to fake their way through life. Owning up to your mistakes will encourage your teenager to be transparent and honest with you as they fail.
- Failing to be a positive spiritual influence.
As the parent, you are the greatest spiritual influencer in the life of your teenager. Being a positive spiritual influencer doesnât mean that you are a perfect Christian. It means that you are actively growing in Jesus and leading your family by having spiritual conversations with your children.
[READ: 9 Tips To Help You Spiritually Lead Your Family]
- Pushing their teenager to take every opportunity.
There are too many opportunities for your teenager, and not every opportunity is beneficial. You must guard against your teenager burning out by ensuring that they are not involved in too many activities, events, teams, or extracurriculars. Teenagers need time to grow and develop into functioning adults. If they are spread too thin they may adopt a âget byâ attitude that trains them to do the bare minimum to get by.
What Have You Noticed?
These seven areas have been evident as I minister to high school students.Â
Like I said at the beginning, there is no such thing as a perfect parent or a full-proof plan to raising kids. Know that there are opportunities to be a positive influence even if you have made all seven of these mistakes.Â
by Chase | Discipleship, Ministry
During my time serving with a college ministry non-profit and now as a pastor, I have had the privilege of seeing hundreds of high school students make the transition to college.
While many have succeed in their pursuit of Jesus and a college degree, college has been a dark time of regret for others.
I will not add to the cliché statements about how this semester you are starting a new chapter in your life book, but I do want to offer some advice as you head into a new phase of life.
I believe college is a perfect opportunity for you to grow as a disciple of Jesus, to see how you have been wired to make a difference in this world, to build friendships that will shape your personality, and to serve God like never before.
6 Things Every College Freshman Needs To Hear
1. Serving Jesus Is The Most Important Part Of College
As you step into your first class you will feel the pressure to believe your grades are the most important part of college.
This is not true.
Serving Jesus is the most important part of every phase of life.
Yes, your education is important, after all, you are spending tens of thousands of dollars on this degree each year. But anything that hinders your pursuit of Jesus (even the pursuit of a college degree) is not God honoring.
Your worth is found in Jesus, not your degree.
Donât miss out on opportunities to serve God while you are in college.
2. Choose Your Friends Carefully
Newsflash, your friends will change from high school to college. Some of you will be horrified that some friends wonât last through adulthood, but others will rejoice at the opportunity to start over!
Here is one thing you need to know early on in college: drama is forever.
The notion that high school is too dramatic and somehow college will be more chill is naĂŻve. The world is full of drama. You will have to learn how to navigate interpersonal problems.
But the best way is to limit the drama is to carefully choose the group you run with.
3. Get Connected to a Church, Not Just a Group of Christians
Small groups of Christians do not replace the need for a biblically based church.
Christians need to be connected to a local church to benefit themselves and the church community.
Joining a campus ministry or non-profit is not the same as worshipping at a local church.
Donât get me wrong, campus ministries are incredible â they simply arenât a church.
(And a group of friends who listen to a Matt Chandler sermon together as their âchurchâ isnât a church either.)
You need to be a part of a biblically based community of believers. If you have been burned by church, Iâm sorry for your negative experience, but donât give up on the church because of a negative experience.
There are thousands of churches with different styles, traditions, and formats for you to visit and pray about joining.
4. Just Do Something
Deciding on a major doesnât have to result from God writing out the perfect choice in neon lights for you. In fact, few of your life decisions will be clear.
If you are daily in the Word and prayer, it may really be as simple as âWhat am I good at and what do I like to do?â
Our communities need more teachers, government workers, doctors, and mechanics who are strong Christians.
Make the jump and prayerfully pursue a practical faith. Once you jump it is incredible to see how God starts to reveal how you are wired.
5. The Price Tag On Your Bad Decisions Increases With Age
The older you get, the higher the price tag on your bad decisions. This is a concept I heard from Brandon Conner, senior pastor at Mosaic Church in Gulf Coast, Mississippi.
As an adult, your decisions hold more weight.Â
College is a phase of life where people believe that you should live in complete autonomy, but nothing is further from the truth. You need more accountability, wisdom, and encouragement as you mature.Â
Don’t make the mistake of trying to walk through life on your own. Sooner or later, you will make a horrible decision that may cost you more than you could imagine.Â
Be proactive in the decision making process by inviting others into the conversation before you make a decision. This is what mature adults do.Â
6. Do Something That Makes You Uncomfortable
Resist the urge to go to class, go home, study, and then repeat.
College is a unique time when you get to do stuff that is difficult once you have a full-time job and family.
Run triathlons, travel the world, do a summer-long mission trip overseas, spend time drinking coffee late at night with friends.
You will have more free time over the next four years than any other time in your life. Donât waste four years on Netflix.
Even worse, donât waste four years being self-centered. How can you make a difference in your community and around the world?
Redeem your time and do something to further the Gospel of Jesus.
by Chase | Leadership, Ministry
In the wake of the Charlottesville protests  – and the ongoing racial turmoil our country has been in since its founding – it is time for more student pastors to leverage their influence to lead young people toward spiritual reconciliation.
Student pastors, you cannot avoid the conversation about race inequality. Look at the pictures of these white supremacists in Charlottesville; they are young men – not the older generation that everyone assumes still has racists roots.
These men were teenagers in a student ministry less than a decade ago.
If you passively sit back, waiting for your senior pastor to speak about hard topics, you are creating a culture of uninformed and spiritually weak Christians.
It is easy to feel lost as to what you can do to make a difference.
Being detached geographically doesnât detach your ethical and spiritual responsibility to denounce evil and advocate for change.
What should a student pastor do to make lead change? Â
Have ongoing conversations about race, reconciliation, and Jesusâ model of ministry.
Offering up a prayer the Sunday after a racial tragedy isnât going to change our culture. As a spiritual leader, you must constantly denounce hate and oppression and lead your people to live as citizens of Heaven – the hands and feet of the Body of Jesus Christ.
Theologian Karl Barth said, “We have to read the Bible in one hand, and the newspaper in the other.” Student ministries cannot be detached from culture. The Spirit of God hasn’t give us a spirit of fear but of courage and power (2 Timothy 17). You must lead ongoing conversations about the injustices that are happening around the world and how the power of Jesus, extended through the local church, can radically change our world.Â
Expand your studentsâ worldview by ministering cross-culturally.
If ignorance breeds racism, then we must expose our students to the cultures that exist beyond their cul-de-sacs. Â They need to see that people are people and that the need for Jesus transcends race, social status, and gender. Ministering cross-culturally has to be an ongoing aspect of your ministry. Serving one time in that one area will not shape your studentsâ worldview to minister to others.
Donât tolerate hate in your church.
Love isnât silent. Our student ministries canât be silent about evil. Jesus wasnât – He constantly crossed racial and social barriers to heal broken people. It is time for you to speak up and use whatever platform that you have to influence change in your community. Your students will follow your leadership.
Lead by example.Â
At the end of the day, you have to help your students become doers of Godâs Word. We need to cultivate Christians who act in our passive culture. Connect students and parents to the tangible steps to fight evil. Those steps will look different in each community. Christians have the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:11-21). Student pastors have the responsibility to equip students glorify Jesus.
In addition, here are a few passages you can reference as you continue to stand against evil and encourage your students to be the salt and light of the world.
Bible Passages To Reference As You Speak Against Racism:
John 4 – Jesusâ Encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well
Luke 10:25-37 – Parable of the Good Samaritan
Ephesians 2:19-20 – âConsequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with Godâs people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone.â
Revelation 7:9 – âAfter this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands.â
Matthew 22:37-39 – âJesus replied: ââLove the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.â This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: âLove your neighbor as yourself.ââ
Galatians 3:28 – âThere is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.â
1 John 2:11 – âBut anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.â
2 Corinthians 5:14 – âFor Christâs love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.â
by Chase | Ministry
Volunteer meetings…
When was the last time you said, âMan, I need more meetings in my life.â
Or how about this one:
âAnother meeting would bring more meaning to my life.â
Probably not.
While most people try their best to avoid meetings, they are necessary to set direction, communicate vision, and build a healthy team.
Family ministries can leverage volunteer meetings to encourage and equip their leaders, all while building momentum.
But many pastors fail to leverage volunteer meetings.
How do I know?
Most volunteers avoid, or even worse, dread, attending ministry meetings.
Every meeting can be better. Better meetings lead to more effective ministry and volunteer retention.
Here are 10 simple tips for creating valuable volunteer meetings.
10 Simple Tips For Creating Valuable Volunteer Meetings
Share Stories Of What God Is Doing
As the leader, it is easier for you to hear stories of how God is moving. Your volunteers arenât as lucky. You must make it a priority to start every volunteer meeting by sharing the impact the Gospel is making in peopleâs lives. Nothing is more motivating than knowing your energy and effort are making a difference.
Come With An Agenda
Agendas help you focus the meeting. The last thing your busy, unpaid volunteer wants is to attend a pointless meeting. This is a no-brainer, but it tends to be the first item that gets pushed out of our to-do lists when we get busy.
Specify The Length Of The Meeting And Stick To It
Speaking of wasting time — you need to specify the length of the meeting and stick to it. You might get a five minute grace period if you go over. Going 15-plus minutes over doesnât communicate more info. It communicates that you are unorganized.
Provide Childcare
Meetings must be accessible for your team. Less leaders will attend if they have to jump through a ton of hoops to find childcare. Heaven forbid if they would have to pay for childcare to attend your meeting. Go ahead and budget to provide childcare during your meetings. Give a few high school girls some Starbucks gifts cards and you all are set.
Meet When Leaders Are Already At The Church
Do you have two services? Plan on meeting with your leaders during the second service. There are several benefits to this plan. Their children are taken care of. You will not go over on time. More leaders will already be attending at that time slot. You donât have to provide a lunch. There are a few considerations you will have to take into account: 1. Donât meet during corporate worship more than once a semester. Your people will be frustrated to miss worship. 2. Get the support of your leadership before you schedule a meeting during a worship time.
Plan For Conversations
No one wants to hear you lecture for an hour. You need to engage your leaders in conversation during the meeting. You need their input. You need their ideas. You need their buy-in. The only way you can get those is if each person has an opportunity to communicate during the meeting. Plan to ask key questions or walk through exercises that will get your leaders talking about the agenda items.
Provide Food And A Relaxed Atmosphere
Everyone wins when meetings have food. Donât worry about catering a nice meal in for your student ministry leader meeting. (Although, doing that once a year is a nice treat for your leaders.) Find a volunteer who has a gift of hospitality and charge that person with buying some drinks and snacks for your meal. Creating a relaxed atmosphere will encourage conversation to go beyond the surface and into what is needed to minister on a deeper level.
Meet At A Home
There is something warm about meeting in a personâs home. Find a gracious host in your church and schedule your leadership team meeting at a home.
Communicate Support
How are you going to ensure your leaders can lead? Are you going to back them with your budget? What about getting them sports passes to attend area football games? You need to communicate the specifics of your plan to support your team.
Come with a 6-9 Month Plan
It is your responsibility to set the direction for the ministry. Head into the meeting with a tentative direction on your smaller events for the next 6-9 months. Talk through these with the team and get their feedback. Your larger events (camps, disciple now, curriculum changes, etc.) need to be scheduled 12-18 months out. You wonât have the specifics laid out that far in advance, but you must have the dates confirmed.
Now What
How have you created engaging leadership team meetings?
by Chase | Leadership, Ministry
Students have spent their entire summer waiting for school to be back in session.
Ok, that statement isnât true.
Honestly, they are probably dreading school, structure, and homework.
But the fall semester is an incredible time for ministries to get back into a normal routine and do some awesome ministry.
Now that the summer sprint is over, it is time for you to fall back into a sustainable rhythm of ministry.
Below are 7 tips for an incredible fall semester.
7 Tips For An Incredible Fall Semester
Bring Your Adult Leaders Up To Speed
This is the perfect time to remind your leaders about the importance of serving families. Leaders need encouragement to continue serving each semester. Nothing is more compelling than showing how their service is transforming lives. Go ahead and communicate when and where you plan on meeting the rest of the semester.Â
Create a Fall Calendar
Seriously. Spend an afternoon and outline all of the major events and deadlines that are coming up this fall. Your students will get excited about future events. Your leaders will think you are an administrative genius. The parents will appreciate you stellar communication skills. Once your calendar is completed make sure it looks sharp before you print it. Pull in someone else if you arenât great at graphic work. Then print them on VistaPrint.
Send Out Your Small Group Leader Lessons
Back in the day the only option for curriculum were printed books we bought for our leaders. Now with the option to go paperless, I see many children and student pastors send the lesson out only a few days in advance. Sure, some of your leaders are slackers and wonât look at the lesson any earlier. But for your organized and invested leaders, the earlier the better they are prepared. Send out the trendy looking PDF with the semester outline that is provided in your resources so leaders know the spiritual direction for the semester.
Meet With School Administrators
Your local schools need to know that you are invested in their success, not just taking students from their schools. Meeting with school administrators early in the fall semester allows you to see what needs are present, talk through ideas you have to serve on campus, and ensures the administration knows who you are.
[Read: Why Youth Ministries Must Be Advocates In Their Local Schools]
Meet With Non-Profit School Groups
FCA, Teens For Christ, YoungLife, and the like need your help. And to be honest, you need their help. These groups are the missionaries serving your local schools. Each group tends to know the needs of the school better than the area family ministries. Partner with them, serve alongside of them, and back them with your budget by buying food for their events.
Send Students A Card
Mailed cards connect with students in an age of digital noise. Have you already created the fall calendar? Great! Mail that and write a two sentence blurb about how stoked you are for this student to be involved this fall semester.
Communicate Your Weekly Routine
The summer came at you like a wrecking ball and now it is time to get back into your rhythms. Sit down with your direct supervisor and layout your schedule for the fall. Donât make your supervisor create your schedule – that is your role. Simply talk through the shifts and communicate where you will be each day. This saves your neck from looking like a slacker with no office hours. Donât forget to communicate when you are taking time off.
Now What?
There are huge opportunities to minister in the fall. What else are you focusing on?
