7 Mistakes Most Parents Make With Their Teenagers

7 Mistakes Most Parents Make With Their Teenagers

 

Almost everyone has a perspective on what it takes to be a solid parent to teenagers.

Every parent knows that there is no harder job than being a parent. Unfortunately there are many parents who fail to parent for the long-term and often compromise in areas that will hurt the health and maturity of their teenagers.

I have two preschool children of my own. While I know it is easier to make outside observations than to be the parent in a specific situation, over the last decade of my ministry I have noticed a few mistakes most parents fall into.

Many of these mistakes come from countless conversations I have had with parents sharing their own struggles with parenting teenagers.

Here are seven mistakes I have seen parents make while parenting their teenage children.

7 Mistakes Most Parents Make With Their Teenagers

  1. Establishing rules but fail to develop critical thinking skills.

Every child needs boundaries. I’m a firm believer in rules, guidelines, and boundaries for children. As we all know, however, it is easier to teach rules than the understanding of what is right and what is wrong. When children are little, this is helpful. But when the stakes are higher, kids need to know how to make good choices. When your teenager leaves the house, they will be faced with making a ton of decisions — what job they should take, what type of loan they should apply for, and who to marry, to name a few. As your teenagers mature, they need to make some decisions on their own using your guidance, coaching, and encouragement.

  1. Allowing dating with little boundaries and no knowledge of the other person.

The majority of my counseling conversations with parents and students centers on dating, sexual sins, and sexual identity. Many parents are strict about which friends their children can hang out with but lenient on which people they can date. Parents need to establish dating boundaries. Parents need to meet and interact with their teenager’s boyfriend/girlfriend. The goal isn’t to control your child. The goal is to encourage purity and know who your child is hanging out with.

[READ: 11 Truths No One Tells You About Dating In High School]

  1. Giving the “what” without explaining the “why.”

Most of us are great at telling our kids what they need to do. Clean their rooms. Be home before curfew. Do their homework. The list is endless. As our kids mature they need to start understanding the “why” behind the “what.” Why is it a good idea to do their homework? Why is it important that they finish out the year instead of quitting their team midway through the season? Knowing the “why” helps them to make better decisions in the future.

  1. Focusing on raising good teenagers instead of Godly teenagers.

The goal of parenting isn’t to raise good adults. It is to raise disciples who love Jesus. It is extremely common for parents to allow themselves to be content with kids whose grades are good, who seem to make moral decisions for the most part, and who don’t cause a lot of trouble. Parenting becomes a completely different task when the spiritual component is added, but it is of great value to parent in that way.

  1. Failing to own up to their own mistakes.

You are not a superhero. You are not God. No one expects you to be a perfect parent. Trust me, your teenagers see many of your mistakes. Failing to own up to your mistakes only teaches your teenagers that you are untrustworthy, and it shows them how they need to fake their way through life. Owning up to your mistakes will encourage your teenager to be transparent and honest with you as they fail.

  1. Failing to be a positive spiritual influence.

As the parent, you are the greatest spiritual influencer in the life of your teenager. Being a positive spiritual influencer doesn’t mean that you are a perfect Christian. It means that you are actively growing in Jesus and leading your family by having spiritual conversations with your children.

[READ: 9 Tips To Help You Spiritually Lead Your Family]

  1. Pushing their teenager to take every opportunity.

There are too many opportunities for your teenager, and not every opportunity is beneficial. You must guard against your teenager burning out by ensuring that they are not involved in too many activities, events, teams, or extracurriculars. Teenagers need time to grow and develop into functioning adults. If they are spread too thin they may adopt a “get by” attitude that trains them to do the bare minimum to get by.

What Have You Noticed?

These seven areas have been evident as I minister to high school students. 

Like I said at the beginning, there is no such thing as a perfect parent or a full-proof plan to raising kids. Know that there are opportunities to be a positive influence even if you have made all seven of these mistakes. 

 

6 Things Every College Freshman Needs To Hear

6 Things Every College Freshman Needs To Hear

 

During my time serving with a college ministry non-profit and now as a pastor, I have had the privilege of seeing hundreds of high school students make the transition to college.

While many have succeed in their pursuit of Jesus and a college degree, college has been a dark time of regret for others.

I will not add to the cliché statements about how this semester you are starting a new chapter in your life book, but I do want to offer some advice as you head into a new phase of life.

I believe college is a perfect opportunity for you to grow as a disciple of Jesus, to see how you have been wired to make a difference in this world, to build friendships that will shape your personality, and to serve God like never before.

6 Things Every College Freshman Needs To Hear

1. Serving Jesus Is The Most Important Part Of College

As you step into your first class you will feel the pressure to believe your grades are the most important part of college.

This is not true.

Serving Jesus is the most important part of every phase of life.

Yes, your education is important, after all, you are spending tens of thousands of dollars on this degree each year. But anything that hinders your pursuit of Jesus (even the pursuit of a college degree) is not God honoring.

Your worth is found in Jesus, not your degree.

Don’t miss out on opportunities to serve God while you are in college.

2. Choose Your Friends Carefully

Newsflash, your friends will change from high school to college. Some of you will be horrified that some friends won’t last through adulthood, but others will rejoice at the opportunity to start over!

Here is one thing you need to know early on in college: drama is forever.

The notion that high school is too dramatic and somehow college will be more chill is naĂŻve. The world is full of drama. You will have to learn how to navigate interpersonal problems.

But the best way is to limit the drama is to carefully choose the group you run with.

3. Get Connected to a Church, Not Just a Group of Christians

Small groups of Christians do not replace the need for a biblically based church.

Christians need to be connected to a local church to benefit themselves and the church community.

Joining a campus ministry or non-profit is not the same as worshipping at a local church.

Don’t get me wrong, campus ministries are incredible – they simply aren’t a church.

(And a group of friends who listen to a Matt Chandler sermon together as their “church” isn’t a church either.)

You need to be a part of a biblically based community of believers. If you have been burned by church, I’m sorry for your negative experience, but don’t give up on the church because of a negative experience.

There are thousands of churches with different styles, traditions, and formats for you to visit and pray about joining.

4. Just Do Something

Deciding on a major doesn’t have to result from God writing out the perfect choice in neon lights for you. In fact, few of your life decisions will be clear.

If you are daily in the Word and prayer, it may really be as simple as “What am I good at and what do I like to do?”

Our communities need more teachers, government workers, doctors, and mechanics who are strong Christians.

Make the jump and prayerfully pursue a practical faith. Once you jump it is incredible to see how God starts to reveal how you are wired.

5. The Price Tag On Your Bad Decisions Increases With Age

The older you get, the higher the price tag on your bad decisions. This is a concept I heard from Brandon Conner, senior pastor at Mosaic Church in Gulf Coast, Mississippi.

As an adult, your decisions hold more weight. 

College is a phase of life where people believe that you should live in complete autonomy, but nothing is further from the truth. You need more accountability, wisdom, and encouragement as you mature. 

Don’t make the mistake of trying to walk through life on your own. Sooner or later, you will make a horrible decision that may cost you more than you could imagine. 

Be proactive in the decision making process by inviting others into the conversation before you make a decision. This is what mature adults do. 

6. Do Something That Makes You Uncomfortable

Resist the urge to go to class, go home, study, and then repeat.

College is a unique time when you get to do stuff that is difficult once you have a full-time job and family.

Run triathlons, travel the world, do a summer-long mission trip overseas, spend time drinking coffee late at night with friends.

You will have more free time over the next four years than any other time in your life. Don’t waste four years on Netflix.

Even worse, don’t waste four years being self-centered. How can you make a difference in your community and around the world?

Redeem your time and do something to further the Gospel of Jesus.

 

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We Are Moving To Metro Atlanta

We Are Moving To Metro Atlanta

 

The past couple of months have been a little crazy around here. 

The biggest factor contributing to the craziness?

My family is embarking on a new adventure starting this summer.

Yesterday I accepted a call to become the High School and Young Adults Pastor at First Baptist Church Loganville in Georgia and will begin serving there on June 18, 2017. Today I submitted my resignation as the Family Pastor at Valley Grove Baptist and will serve here until June 11, 2017. 

During the entire process, God has been working in big ways. I know pastors tend to make clichĂ© statements like that, but it’s the truth. Several months ago I received a message from the Executive Pastor in Loganville. He let me know that they were searching for a man who can equip students to continue following Jesus once they are in college and had all but shut down the search after months of looking through resumes. It turns out that he asked a close pastor friend for a recommendation, and my name was passed along.

I wasn’t looking to move to the Atlanta area and honestly had never heard of Loganville before my phone conversation! But the more we talked, the more I could see their heart for ministry and how God was at work.

You all know that I have a passion for encouraging and equipping pastors, leaders, and students to serve Jesus. High school and college are critical phases in the life of a young adult. These phases of life are of the utmost importance to me because that is when students start to discover what is means to live out their faith in Jesus. Students ask hard questions because they are discovering how God wants them to live. This is when students make the jump from merely listening to applying God’s Word. My heart for equipping leaders and students aligns perfectly with FBC Loganville’s. We are excited to see what God has in store as we serve in Loganville!

While we are stoked to accept the call to serve at FBC Loganville, it is definitely a bittersweet time for our family. Anne and I will be leaving our home in East Tennessee, which is a decision we don’t take lightly. We are sad about leaving the incredible people at Valley Grove and the Knoxville area. You all are our family, friends, and co-ministers. This area has always been my home, and Anne and I are so thankful for the friendships, memories, and investment that you all have made in our lives.

(And as a side note, we will never cheer for the Georgia Bulldogs. I will have Josh Dobbs’ Hail Mary playing on a loop in my office from now till I go to Heaven!) 

Leaving Valley Grove and the Knoxville area has been a difficult decision for us to make. You all are family. You have helped raise Tripp and Brooke. Most of you have even sung “What Does The Fox Say?” with my kids during Bible study. We have made memories, shared milestones, walked alongside one another, and consumed large amounts of coffee together.

Moving to Loganville isn’t an attempt to run from Knoxville. That isn’t the case at all.  We are faithfully following where Jesus is leading our family. 

We are 100 percent certain that God is leading us to make the move to Loganville, Georgia. Anne and I sense God’s Spirit leading us to FBC Loganville. She and I are unified in spirit and are at peace. 

As Christians, we understand that our lives are not our own. Our lives are hidden in Jesus and when He leads, we go. Going is always an adventure, and God has promised to provide for His plans.

One of my mentors has a quote that he says frequently:

“If I am where God wants me to be, not only will I have everything I need from God, God will also have everything He needs from me.”

This is my prayer for my ministry and my family: to be exactly where God wants me to be. I know that my life is making the biggest impact for the Kingdom of God when I’m in lockstep with Jesus.

Please be praying for Anne, Tripp, Brooke, and I as we begin the transition to Loganville, Georgia. 

 

We are thankful for your prayers and support!

 

One Of The Most Dangerous Statements Christians Say

One Of The Most Dangerous Statements Christians Say

This one phrase is detaching God’s people from God’s mission. Because of this phrase many churches are shutting their doors, families are disengaged, and ministries fail. The danger of this phrase is it’s false sense of mission and service. 

Don’t dismiss the ministry opportunities that God has for you. Check out the video below to see how deleting one word can change your community. 

Each Monday I post a new video on YouTube and my Facebook Page. Subscribe or Like to get fresh content each week.

YouTube: youtube.com/chasesnyder12

Facebook: facebook.com/chasesnyder12

Twitter: twitter.com/chasesnyder12

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4 Books That Are Perfect For New Christians In Your Student Ministry

4 Books That Are Perfect For New Christians In Your Student Ministry

 

Nothing is more rewarding than seeing a student make a decision to follow Jesus Christ.

But how many ministries are ready to disciple students after a decision?

As you celebrate with the student, his family, and your church, you have to answer this important question:

“How will this student be discipled?”

Is it through a small group for new believers? Do you hand them a book to read? Do you connect a student to an adult mentor?

Sure, the process looks different for each church, but the important part is that you have a process.

Salvation happens instantly. Discipleship is a lifetime process of maturing.

Below are a few resources I have used for our students. I wanted to pass them along to you. I don’t have any affiliate links in this post – I simply believe in the effectiveness of these resources to encourage new Christians to grow in their relationship with Jesus.

These books will work well for your student ministry – no matter what your discipleship process looks like.

4 Books That Are Perfect For New Christians In Your Student Ministry

New: First Steps For New Christ-Followers (By YouthMinistry360)

New | Ministry Bubble

This journal works as a stand-alone devotional or a four-week small group curriculum that you can walk through with your students. I like it because of the easy-to-understand devotional layout that covers what it means to be a Christian, knowing God, and how we are to live a new life.

 

 

 

Refuel: An Uncomplicated Guide To Connecting With God (By Doug Fields)

Doug Fields has created a concise and clear book about what it means to connect with God. As youth workers, we don’t want to be guilty of saying, “Just start reading the book of John and you will get the hang of a devotional time.” This book offers practical tips and encouragement to discover what it means to connect with Jesus. It also includes small group questions in the back for youth workers who want to meet up and discuss chapters with their students.

 

Student Survival Kit: An Essential Guide For New Christians (By Ralph W. Neighbour, Jr. And Lifeway)

Are you looking for a book that is packed with Scriptures and covers the essentials of what it means to be a Christian? Then Student Survival Kit is your book! This book by Lifeway is an eleven-week devotional that walks through the fundamentals of theology (Indwelling of Christ, Body of Christ, The Old and New Nature, Salvation, Authority, Prayer, Witnessing) by laying out passages of Scripture and allowing the reader to chew on each topic in daily bite-sized chunks.

 

Wired: A 4-Week Devotional Experience For Students (By Rodney & Sarah Anderson)

Produced by Orange, Wired is an awesome resource that covers how to connect with God and others. This book is a four-week devotional guide packed with small group materials. You can purchase teaching videos to view along with the book. Wired is an incredible resource for your student ministry if you do a new Christian class or small group.

 

 

Now What?

What other resources have you found that help new believers grow in their relationship Jesus?

5 Ways Retreats Can Draw You Closer To Jesus

5 Ways Retreats Can Draw You Closer To Jesus

It doesn’t matter if you are a 7-year-old heading to your first summer camp or a senior adult – camps, retreats, conferences, and events can leave a lasting spiritual impact in your life.

Retreats come in all shapes and sizes. There are week-long camps, weekend retreats, one-day events, and conferences. While they vary in nature they all have one thing in common – they allow the attendees to step away from their normal day-to-day routines and focus on Jesus.

God has used my time at camps to wake me up spiritually and provided a place to grow spiritually. I became a Christian, committed my life to ministry, and even met my wife while I was at various retreats.

While you may not meet your future wife at a retreat, here are some other reasons that you should consider joining the next retreat that your church offers (or sending your student).

5 Ways Retreats Can Draw You Closer To Jesus

Retreats remove you from your day-to-day habits.

Have you been in a rut? We all get to points where we need a break from the demands of life. High school relationships may have you stressed to the max. Your kids schedules can wear on your stamina. Retreats, camps, conferences, and events are just that – a retreat! Taking a retreat will allow you to catch your breath, both physically and spiritually.

Retreats allow you to refocus on Jesus.

Our minds can be cluttered with deadlines, activities, relationships, and commitments. Retreats are the perfect place to give your brain a chance to reset and refocus on Jesus. The priorities of your day can interfere with your worship of Jesus. Retreats are designed to remove the distractions and sins that bog you down so that you can worship Jesus.

Retreats remove you from negative influences.

Most of the people who surround you in school or at work are negative influences. A spiritual retreat gives you an avenue to remove yourself, even for a weekend, from the negative relationships, horrible advice, and complainers that push your spirit down.

Retreats cause us to anticipate the power of God.

Going on a retreat with your church means that you have cleared your calendars, turned in your forms, paid the registration fees, and packed up your bags for the event. A retreat allows your mind to anticipate a move of God in your own life. It is something that you can look forward to with a longing to meet with Jesus.

Retreats lead you to a fresh movement of God’s Spirit.

A retreat will not only remove you from negative influences — it will draw you into God’s Word. Whether it is the guest speaker, worship set, or small group time, you will start to experience God like never before. His Spirit moves in incredible ways when we humble ourselves and turn our gaze onto Him.  

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