by Chase | Discipleship
Teenage love is in the air.
In the culture we live, dating is common even from the early teenage years. Even though is it common, there is still plenty of confusion and frustration that comes along with it.
Let me warn you on the front end — this blog post is not going to tell anyone to kiss dating goodbye. The conversation of whether or not a teenager should date is strictly between the parents and their child. Â
What I want to do is offer up some advice for teenagers who are dating. Often we make huge decisions (like who we should date) without much thought. Don’t worry, even your parents are guilty of absent-minded decisions from time to time.
Here are 11 truths no one tells you about dating in high school.
11 Truths No One Tells You About Dating In High School
You will date someone that you will marry, so be realistic about it.
It is doubtful that the person you are dating in high school will turn out to be your spouse, but eventually you will marry someone that you date. Before you start dating a person make sure that they are the type of person you want to end up with.
Your worth and identity are determined by the One who created you – not the one you are dating.
No boy or girl will determine your worth. My friend Todd Jones is writing a book right now (called Jesus-Colored Glasses that launches this summer) where he explains that the value of an object is determined by the One who created it and by what someone is willing to pay for it. In your case, Jesus created you and He died to redeem you. Your worth is infinitely more than any boyfriend or girlfriend could determine.
How someone treats other people reflects their core character.
Is he a jerk to his parents and everyone around him? Well, then he is a jerk. It doesn’t matter how nicely he treats you, he is still a jerk. Â
Love blinds you to a person’s flaws
The emotions you feel on a first date can cloud your judgement. Love will blind you and keep you from seeing a person’s flaws. Yes, we are all flawed people, but it is important to listen to what your friends and family say about the person you like. It may be hard to sift through other people’s advice to determine whether their concerns are legitimate, but knowing how others perceive your boyfriend or girlfriend is invaluable.
How much it hurts when it ends is directly related to how much you gave away.
Be careful not to cross physical AND emotional boundaries. I’m sure you have heard that you should not cross certain physical boundaries, which you shouldn’t, but just as important is making sure you do not cross emotional boundaries. If you are in high school you should not be discussing marriage. Crossing physical boundaries makes it easier to cross emotional boundaries. Crossing emotional boundaries makes it easier to cross physical boundaries.
The decisions you make today determines the type of person you date tomorrow.
You will find yourself dating a certain “type” of person. The decisions you make when it comes to which friends you hang out with, which events you attend, and the college you go to all shape the “type” of person you will likely date. Small, daily decisions determine our big life-moments.Â
Your parents still set the rules and parameters.
As a student you still operate under your parents’ authority. That includes dating. Any curfew, rules, or restrictions that your parents set must be honored. It is their job to look after and provide for you.
Only Jesus will complete your life.
If you are looking for a girl or guy to bring you unending love and acceptance, you will never find the right one. As I said above, people are flawed. Only Jesus offers unchanging love, grace, and forgiveness.
Don’t waste time dating a loser.
Life is short. Don’t waste time dating a lowlife. You know who that person is. We have all dated at least one. Go ahead and call it quits and stop wasting your time.
Dating one loser doesn’t mean that you must date another loser.
Just because you have dated a loser doesn’t mean that you have to date another loser. Nothing is wrong with you. You are not broken. And, as I mentioned in the first point, you’ll eventually marry someone you date. So you might as well take a good hard look at your standards and raise them now.
Jesus’ grace is sufficient for you.
There is forgiveness and restoration available to you, not matter what mistakes you have made or what boundaries you have crossed. Jesus has created you. He loves you. He wants a relationship with you. And as you navigate what dating looks like for you — what to avoid, what to embrace, and how to be obedient — Jesus’ grace is enough to guide and direct your choices.
Now What?
What pieces of advice do you wish you would have listened to when it comes to dating in high school?
by Chase | Discipleship, Leadership
How was your energy level after serving at church on Sunday?
Every volunteer, staff member, and pastor walks through passionless seasons of ministry. We feel frustrated, burned out, under-appreciated, and we spiritually disengage months (maybe years) before we actually transition out of our role.
If you are experiencing a passionless season of ministry the cause may reside with you more than your organization or leadership. Granted, I do not know your situation. I have served in incredible organizations and some that had extreme cultural issues. But I know that our initial reaction is to blame everyone else when we are dissatisfied.
Yes, there may be sizable changes that your organization may need to make, but if you are leading from a place of spiritual passion (the zeal mentioned in Romans 12:11) you can be a spark God uses to usher in a new wave of ministry within your church.
3 Signs You Are Losing Your Passion For Serving Your Church
You Are Avoiding Relationships
Are you late showing up to serve? Are you looking to travel the quickest route to and from your car to avoid extra conversations? Without relationships, ministry fails. Avoiding others is one of the first signs that you are losing your passion for serving others.
You Are Avoiding Spiritual Disciplines
How are your spiritual disciplines going? Personal study, worship, prayer, confession, and solitude are key pillars of your spiritual life. These disciplines align our heart and mind to do passionate ministry in the first place.
You Are Cynical of The Leadership
Do you find yourself questioning every decision the leadership team makes for your specific area of service? It is one thing to ask questions, seek clarity, and present potential pitfalls, but it is another to reject their leadership or, even worse, undermine their authority. Having a cynical view of the leadership is a sign that your service is more obligatory instead of an overflow of your passion.
Now What?
Questions to wrestle with and pray through:
Is there a broken family, work, or church relationship that you need to mend? Humans are relational people. Ministry is based on our relationship with Jesus and others. Unvoiced frustrations, emotional pains, and rejection will cause us to withdraw from the people we are called to serve.
How is your personal, family, and corporate worship? Are you walking with Jesus each day? Do the truths that you teach on Sunday transform your Monday? If you fail to be invested in God’s Word, prayer, and in a small group of others your energy, passion, knowledge, and creativity will run dry. It is impossible to point others to Jesus if you are not orienting your life toward Him.
Has your passion for the specific areas you are serving in shifted toward another group, phase, or area? Seasons of life often shift our desires to serve. It’s easy to confuse frustration with our current role and frustration with the organization as a whole. Perhaps you need to meet with your church’s leadership and discuss how you are gifted and see what other areas you can get involved in.
by Chase | Discipleship
Attend Church As A Family
Your family needs to be committed and connected to a local church if you want to grow spiritually. Families are able to worship together outside of a local church, but this cannot replace your commitment to a local, Bible-believing church. There you will be pastored, learn more about God’s Word, live in Biblical community, and serve others. You need to attend Sunday services together, as a family unit.
 Strengthen Your Own Relationship With Jesus
Leading your kids spiritually begins with discipling yourself to grow in Christ each day. You will be unable to direct your kids if you are going through a spiritual drought. How is your soul doing? If you desire to lead your children, you and your spouse must daily spend time in prayer, study, and communion with Jesus.
Take Control Of The Schedule
Your kids shouldn’t dictate every second of their schedules. You’re in control, so make sure your calendar prioritizes what you really want it to. As parents we sometimes fill our lives with extracurriculars so our kids don’t miss out on opportunities, but we can inadvertently communicate to our children that those opportunities are the point of life instead of Jesus.
Be Honest About Your Mistakes
You don’t have to share everything, but when you are wrong, ask your kids for forgiveness. They need to see what repentance and forgiveness look like in real life. If you portray that you are above forgiveness and repentance they will believe that when they are adults that they will not need these either.
Look For Opportunities To Talk About God In The Normal Flow Of Your Life
Studies have shown that most students leave church and the Christian faith in college because they are unable to see how their faith applies to their career, degree, and day-to-day lives. As a parent you should be looking for opportunities to talk about Jesus during the normal daily schedule. It can be something as simple as asking what God thinks about how the characters handled a situation in the movie you watched before bed.
Eat Dinner Together As Many Times As Possible
Eating meals together gives your family a chance to connect in the midst of hectic schedules. It doesn’t have to be home cooked meals – you can eat around the table even if you grabbed a bag of burgers on your way home from practices. Sitting around a table allows for real conversations about what happened throughout your day and everyone’s hopes for the future.
Use Sunday Lunch As A Family Devotional Time
Take a few minutes and ask your kids what they learned during church that morning. If your church has each phase of life study the same topic or passage each week you will already have an idea of what your kids have discussed. This is an easy way to start a family devotional time since the lesson, sermon, and worship music is still fresh on everyone’s mind.
Listen To Worship Music As You Drive
I tell my family that the driver of the vehicle is the captain and the captain gets to control the dashboard. This works well for my two preschool kids! Add in some Christian music during your daily commute with the kids. Spiritual conversations about the goodness and love of God will come as the kids are hearing other people talk and sing about Jesus. Plus, other music is straight up trash that isn’t wholesome for adults, let alone middle schoolers.
Pray With Your Kids When They Are Scared, Worried, Or Concerned
When was the last time your son was scared? How did you respond? Taking a minute or two to audibly pray for your children. I had a co-worker who was phenomenal at this. If her sons were worried about a test in high school she would call them and pray before their class.
Now What?
What are some other ideas you have to spiritually lead your family this coming year?
by Chase | Discipleship, Ministry
There is no greater mission field than the local school campus.
That statement didn’t surprise you, did it?
How about this statement:
Most student pastors have a hidden agenda when serving in local schools.
If I were a betting man I would venture to say that the school already knows your hidden agenda!
(BTW: Southern Baptists only gamble during college football games and on cruises. International waters make allowances for many activities deacons find unacceptable.)
Here is the hidden agenda:
Student pastors are guilty of viewing schools as a feeder program.
Our “partnership” tends to look like a one-way street. The church is rarely a true advocate to local schools because churches are selfishly trying to increase their numbers instead of impact the community.
Advocacy goes far beyond awareness. We are all aware of the needs surrounding our schools and teens, but how many of us have locked arms in an effort to impact our students both spiritually and socially?
Being an advocate to the local schools involves more than a student pastor being a chaplain for the football team – it requires volunteers, teachers, and parents investing time and energy in the school campus.
Being an advocate communicates that your church is invested for the long-haul instead of visiting lunches a few weeks before your large church event.
If you are a student worker who is trying to cast the vision to be an advocate in the schools, here are three reasons why youth ministries must be advocates in their local schools.
Why Youth Ministries Must Be Advocates In Local SchoolsÂ
Schools are the hub of culture
Do you wish to see the ups, downs, needs, and values of your community? Heading to a high school will give you a thumb on the pulse of your community’s culture. Communities are centered around the activities and life of their schools. This is the natural hub of your neighborhood. The local school campuses directly represent the demographics of your area.Â
Schools are in need
From physical needs of specifics families to the spiritual needs of the community — local schools represent the needs that exist in your area. Teachers are continually looking for individuals and organizations to meet their students’ needs. To be an advocate of your school is to quickly identify and meet needs in the community. Â
Faculty desire to enrich the community
The teachers and admin have the similar calling as you do! They want to invest into the community. Teachers gave up money and fame to spend more time with students and parents. Why? They want to make an impact. Sure, some of the teachers in your school are not Christians, but you can be a flame of encouragement and an advocate as you partner together to transform your community.
Now What?
Which church members and parents are involved in the schools surrounding your church?
How can you cast vision and activate them to become advocates for the school and for the expansion of the Kingdom of God?
by Chase | Discipleship, Ministry
Ahh, the labyrinth of teenage dating.
Is there anything weirder, more complex, and more dangerous than teenagers dating? Aren’t there laws about this? No. Well, there should be!
Dating is the number one reason parents and students want to stop by my office and talk. Seriously, dating is the number one heartbreak and concern on the hearts of teenagers and parents. Don’t you remember your teenage years? It seems as if every song, every conversation, and every thought centered around the subject of dating.Â
As your parents and students try to navigate these treacherous paths of dating, they are asking tons of questions. I know that your parents may not be sending you three emails a day on the subject, but they are wrestling with these questions.
Don’t mistake a lack of emails for a lack of questions.
Below is a list of questions many parents are trying to answer in the realm of teenage dating.
Why would I give you a list of questions that didn’t have an answer?
Simple. I believe that your leadership team, student ministry, or small group needs to address these questions with your families. Each question should shape your sermon series, parent resources, event planning, and long-range planning. We need to ensure that we are answering questions that people are asking and resourcing our parents to lead their children for the glory of God.Â
The church has a responsibility to show families how the Gospel of Jesus answers their everyday questions.
11 Questions Parents Are Asking About Teenage Dating
“When do I need to talk to my student about sex and dating?”
“When will I know that my student is mature enough to start dating?”
“My student is already dating. How do I navigate this?”
“How can I talk about godly relationships when I’m divorced?”
“My student isn’t a virgin. Now what?”
“What characteristics of a girlfriend/boyfriend should my son/daughter be looking for?”
“Our student is in a negative dating relationship. How do we address this with our son?”
“How do I have conversations about sex and dating without making it weird and awkward?”
“My student has been looking at pornography. What should I do?”
“How much freedom do we give our teenager when it comes to dating?”
“What boundaries should we set in place for our high schooler who is dating?”
Now What?
Student ministries are not responsible for raising children, but they are called to equip parents for each phase of life.
What other questions have we left off of the list? How can your team start answering these questions and encourage parents to be proactive with conversations about teenage dating?
by Chase | Discipleship, Ministry
What would your answer be if I asked you what the win is for small groups? What are the essentials that must happen each week to ensure that people are growing closer to Jesus?
With my vantage point as a pastor I continually hear about what we “need” to do for kids and families.Â
One of the best ones in recent conversation was when I was told that I need to teach teenagers how to drive in the parking lots using the golf carts!
It is easy for us to lose focus on the main essentials in ministry, especially when we have been leading groups for a few years.Â
At the end of the day here are the three essentials for the small groups.Â
3 Small Group Essentials
1. Introduce them to Jesus.
Every disciple has a responsibility to share the gospel of Jesus with everyone they come in contact with. How often are we presenting the gospel in our Sunday school classes, small groups, and weekly worship services? This must be a foundational aspect of our weekly preparation and prayer.Â
2. Teach them how to use the Bible.Â
Notice I didn’t say “Teach them the Bible.” Teaching the Bible is a foundational part of a church’s makeup, but teaching people how to use the Bible on their own is of utmost importance. Every Christian needs to know how the Bible applies to their life, how to open the book, memorize Scriptures, and know the God who is moving in the biblical stories. If we fail at this, high schoolers and college students will walk away from the church.Â
3. Teach them how to pray.Â
Hebrews teaches us the “Priesthood of all Believers” which means that ALL Christians have the same access to God, through Jesus, as the rest of us do. Pastors are not priest. Our small groups must focus on teaching prayer. When life happens our small group leaders are not sitting in our living rooms 24/7 to comfort us, but Jesus is. Â It is our responsibility to encourage students and families to develop a personal practice of prayer.Â
Now What?Â
As you prepare for your lesson how can you make sure that you are connecting kids to Jesus, teaching them how to use the Bible and teaching them how to pray?Â
When every teacher and leader in our churches focus on these three areas our kids, students and families will grow deeper in Jesus!Â
